northern shore meets southern africa

I’m not going to lose my accent – either by choice or force of years. It is just too recognisable. It has softened up a bit, I will grant. It now sounds like I come from the middle of Lake Erie – not quite Cleveland, maybe a little more Canadian – but I don’t say the word ‘house’ funny or add eh? at the end of questions. Of course, South African’s tend to use the ending hey? at the end of questions (or more correctly that’s how they actually form the question). And I found out a few years ago that Clevelanders put unnecessary prepositions at the ends of sentences. (Where are my shoes at? – hey?) I of course do the same and had never noticed it and probably still do this without thinking.

However, I don’t think I’ve met any South Africans who have ever been to or met anyone else from Cleveland. And it must be noted further that when I guessed correctly that the guy in front of me at the video store was from Toronto – he said it was the first time in South Africa that anyone’s ever been able to guess correctly. I’m sure people ask him where in the States he’s from all the time. It can get annoying and I’m sure he has been annoyed, but at least he can say “I’m Canadian” without lying. To be honest, I’m not distressed in the least that my accent has moved me in to the Lake – with America’s foreign policy these days it doesn’t hurt to sound like you are from north of the North Shore when outside the States.

What does disturb me more and more is this question: So you like South Africa better, hey? How does one go about answering that? I’m sure there are possibilities I haven’t explored, but I have broken it down into three main categories of answers:

A) Yes. It’s a lie, but who cares really. Its not like the “asker” is really going to remember having asked the question 3 minutes on. I would like to note however, that this response is reserved almost completely for the following groups of people: 1. The Elderly, 2. Children (except mine), 3.Various other persons with whom communication is generally a problem (e.g. those who are only pretending they can speak English, those who really have a hard time communicating in any language, etc.)

B) No. It’s the truth, but it’s a really hard answer to give. What can I say, I don’t prefer it, but its where I live. This always leads to more challenging questions though: Q: Whats better about the States (A: Look, I didn’t say I prefer the States either or depending on the mood –service, prices of luxury items, pop culture, access to information, crime rates, but pretty generally the education systems are lacking in both countries, so we both lose) Q: Why are you still here? (A: Because I’ve been too busy having babies and subsequently wiping bums and noses to actually find an option somewhere else and I don’t want to imply that I am lazy, just tired) And so on and so forth. This answer is reserved for people I either really want to engage in conversation or for people I really don’t want to engage in conversation. My friends are supposed to understand and not ask dumb questions like this, but if it comes up – they deserve honesty. The second group of people – well I just don’t care if I offend them as they have probably already done something to offend me (like asking uncomfortable questions).

C) Well, I’m a little homesick right now – you see I haven’t been home in three years and my family and friends have never met - my family and friends. It’s the most diplomatic answer, of course, but I am really getting tired of saying this and it really is just avoiding the question actually.

Perhaps I could learn to fake a South African accent that I could put on and take off when necessary. It certainly would be a step closer to assimilating in to the population. But I think I am going to leave it at knowing: how to pronounce Lesotho and Vanderbijlpark, Ngubane and vd Merwe, understanding Mugabe jokes, spelling words with (the optional) u and ise, pronouncing z as “zed” (which really presents a problem at the end of the alphabet song, by the way), making use of the words queue, serviette, braii and nappy. On occasion I even say chips instead of fries, boot instead of trunk, jersey instead of sweater and I think I may have been fully converted into saying toilet or loo instead of bathroom. Ketchup is fortunately becoming an international word (see, McDonalds does good things) which is handy because no one understands when I say I want tuh-may-toe sauce. And although few Americans can tell the difference between English, Australian, South African accents, I can, and I will be aware of my failures in this regard. And in the end, it doesn’t really matter because most South Africans are too wrapped up in South Africa to believe that it might not be the best place on earth and so long as I answer yes to the question: So you prefer South Africa don’t you, hey? I can be spared another rendition of how lovely this place is. The unfortunate thing is that it means I am constantly lying to old people, young people and the English impaired. But at least most people see me as a rude Canadian rather a rude American.